Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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