Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
This house was built for laser tag.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
