I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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