Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
