Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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