she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
