Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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