Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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