Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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