I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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