would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Randomize
