watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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