it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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