I didn't shave. On purpose
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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