I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
