this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
