i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
