Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
