everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
