I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
