Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize