there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
