I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
