We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
