Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
