all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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