i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
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Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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