I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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