she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
