dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
