What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
