yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
