At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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