It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
