I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
