You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
