1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
