"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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