just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
