meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
