I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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