Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
