explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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