Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
