I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Do vagina's smell?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
