Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
pop tarts are not kleenex
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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