I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
