Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
