you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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