I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
two words...techno handjob
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
