a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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