Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
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College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
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He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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