I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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