I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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