i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
