Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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