i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
