i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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