the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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