Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
