we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
