My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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