i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
