Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
