I wish I could teleport
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
