Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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